by Jeanette R. Harrison, MPH
Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, someone has something negative to say about it and no one has your back? That’s been my reality for as long as I can remember. From my personal choices to my professional achievements, there always seems to be a critique, a dismissal, or an outright insult waiting around the corner. It’s exhausting and, honestly, disheartening. Let me share some examples that might resonate with you or at least shed light on how constant criticism affects those of us who face it.
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| In this photo, I am promoting a top for Shijiali |
“Blessed in this Area”
Recently, I made an offhand comment about liking how my shirt fit because, as I put it, "I am blessed in that area." The comment wasn't out of line because I was reviewing a shirt -- a product I had been sent by a company, Shijiali. Instead of taking it as a lighthearted, self-affirming moment, someone found a way to turn it into a point of contention and a way to create drama. It’s baffling how even the smallest expressions of confidence or joy can invite unsolicited negativity. I was told that I should "ask first" before posting content. I asked AI, and it found nothing wrong with the comment. However, people who have found ways to criticize me over even the pettiest things in life did. I think I will go with AI on that one. My comment wasn't offensive and uncomfortable, but the response from supposedly adult people was.
Writing My Children’s Book
When I wrote my children’s book, Cow in the City, I was excited and proud. I always loved writing because it was an outlet for creativity and comfort for me. As someone who never had much to call my own in life, my writing was about me. Until it wasn't. Suddenly, my book was about one niece, even though I dedicated it to all of my nieces and nephews. The book itself is actually about a cow that got loose by a mall. I wasn't even allowed to have that. Everything I do is always about someone else. Instead of celebrating my accomplishment, someone said, “Well, the illustrations aren’t very artistic or colorful, like a painting.” I wanted to create something meaningful for children, and yet, the focus was on what it supposedly lacked.
My Walking Book and the “Bestseller” Debate
When my walking book, Get Your Walk On, became a bestseller, I thought I’d finally achieved something undeniable. But even then, critics couldn’t resist. “It’s not really a bestseller,” they said. “It’s not on the New York Times list.” It’s as though success is never valid unless it fits their narrow definition. I was told by a coworker that I couldn't write a walking book because I didn't have "any credibility," even though I had much more life experience, a more advanced degree, and more work experience than this 26-year-old saying that to me. As usual, I ignored her comments as rude and disrespectful, which they were. I was criticized for writing a walking book because I am not "thin." The whole point of the book, which clearly these critics missed, is that walking is for any age or fitness level. You don't have to be in shape to get out and walk.
Poetry Books and Bullying
Publishing my poetry books, the Floating in the Sea series, should have been a triumph, but instead, it became another source of ridicule. I was outright bullied for sharing my art, as if expressing myself through poetry was something to be ashamed of. The irony is that poetry, with its raw vulnerability, often comes from a place of deep emotion—something many of us struggle to express. It's not just my poetry books, though. I have written seven books. Not one person in my life acts like that's any kind of accomplishment. Instead, they refuse to even acknowledge or find some way to bully me over it. After writing my poetry book, I felt like I was being treated like Josie in Never Been Kissed.
Moving to Idaho
When I moved to Idaho, I faced yet another round of criticism. “You’re just chasing after some man,” people said, completely disregarding the fact that I had to rebuild my life from scratch. They ignored my resilience and strength and instead reduced my decision to a shallow stereotype. Instead of helping me, they caused an outrageous amount of drama to the point that other people in my community were wondering what was the "big deal over just an average dude." It wasn't about him. It was about people diminishing me and acting like I was less than to justify their negative behavior. They felt a need to make up lies to discredit me, so then everyone would think as little of me as they did.
Graduate School Doubts
Even my education wasn’t spared. When I went to graduate school, instead of support, I heard, “You won’t get a job after this. You can’t handle the stress.” It’s disheartening to pour your heart into achieving something significant, only to have others cast doubt on your abilities and potential. I have an advanced degree, and people act like it is nothing. Again, another accomplishment and talent that I have been criticized more than celebrated over. I actually had men I went to college with tell me to get a job as a janitor, a bartender, or in a daycare as if I had no skills whatsoever. I guess belittling and berating me was a way to motivate me, in their eyes? However, any good coach or leader knows that constant negativity destroys someone's self-esteem. Which is exactly what I felt their intent was.
A Pattern of Blame and Lack of Accountability
What’s even more frustrating is that everything is always framed as my fault. Other people’s actions or shortcomings are rarely, if ever, held accountable. I've had people violently threaten me and physically attack me. I was criticized because of how I responded. "Well, why didn't you do this back." Very few people had any empathy or said, "I'm sorry that happened to you." Instead, I get told "I used to feel sorry for you, but now I don't" or telling me that I don't know how to "adult." Apparently, women who barely have acted like adults themselves feel like they have the right to tell me how to act. I’m left carrying the emotional weight of their criticisms and deflections, all while trying to keep moving forward.
The Toll of Constant Criticism
I’ve realized that I struggle to remember compliments because the criticisms are so persistent and overwhelming. When you’re constantly bombarded with negativity, it’s easy to start doubting yourself, even when you’ve accomplished incredible things. Amidst all of this criticism, I also get told that people are criticizing me because I'm not positive or grateful enough. One of my personal favorites is being told they are "overly hard on me because they love me," but they barely know me. Clearly, these people don't know that being extremely negative to someone who has experienced decades of abuse like I have only feels like more abuse.
Finding Strength Amid the Noise
Despite the endless stream of complaints, I’ve learned a few things about navigating life under constant scrutiny:
- Know Your Worth: Your value isn’t determined by other people’s opinions. Celebrate your achievements, even if others try to minimize them.
- Filter the Feedback: Not all criticism is constructive. Learn to distinguish between helpful advice and baseless negativity.
- Celebrate Your Wins: Take time to acknowledge and appreciate your successes, no matter how small. Write them down if you need to—they matter.
- Set Boundaries: It’s okay to distance yourself from people who consistently bring you down. Protect your energy.
- Find Your People: Surround yourself with those who genuinely support and uplift you. Their voices are the ones that count.
Final Thoughts
I’m sharing this not for pity, but to highlight how pervasive and damaging constant criticism can be. If you’ve faced similar struggles, know that you’re not alone. The world will always have its critics, but their voices don’t define you. You don't need their approval to achieve your goals. Keep moving forward, keep creating, and keep being unapologetically you.
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