I’ve been fighting my entire life. I fought to survive growing up in foster care until I was adopted at age eight. I fought through years of abuse, homelessness, and the stigma of starting over at nearly 50 years old during a pandemic. I’ve fought for every degree I earned, every opportunity I’ve had, and every ounce of stability in my life. But lately, I feel like I’m fighting for crumbs—just the bare minimum to get by.
It’s like being a Christian in ancient Rome, thrown into the Colosseum to fight lions while everyone looks on. Except my lions are instability, disadvantage, and uncertainty. And all too often I'm left wondering: How am I going to get through this today on my own?
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Photo by Jeanette R. Harrison, MPH |
Struggle Isn’t the Same as Growth
I’ve heard it all before: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” “You’ve got to fight for what you want,” and “The struggle builds character.” And while those sayings may have some truth, they don’t tell the whole story.
I’m no stranger to struggle. I put myself through ten years of college while navigating life on my own. I’ve restarted my life from scratch more times than I can count. And I know what it means to be resilient. But resilience isn’t something you should be forced to prove every single day just to survive.
Making someone fight for every crumb isn’t about helping them grow. It’s about leaving them to fend for themselves. It’s about watching them struggle while telling yourself it’s for their own good. But let me tell you: it’s not.
What Constant Struggle Feels Like
When I wake up in the morning, I’m met with the same questions: How am I going to pay my bills? How am I going to keep going if I don't make it today? How do I keep fighting when I don’t even have anyone close by who supports me?
It’s exhausting. It’s soul-crushing. And it’s not because I’m unwilling to work hard. I’ve worked hard my entire life. But no one can fight every battle alone.
Sometimes, I just want someone to step in and say, “Jeanette, I see you. I know you’re doing your best, and I want to help.” Instead, it feels like some people are watching me fight while they stay on the sidelines, cheering or criticizing from a safe distance.
Why This Approach Hurts More Than It Helps
When you make someone fight for everything, it sends a clear message: You’re not worth supporting. Even if that’s not the intent, that’s how it feels. And after a while, it’s hard not to internalize that message.
I’ve worked in healthcare and education for over 25 years. I’ve spent my career helping others navigate challenges and find solutions. The reason I do that is that I've been on the other side my whole life. I see how easy it is for people to turn a blind eye and to turn their backs on people who really need someone else to stand up and stand beside them.
What I Need, and What We All Deserve
I’m not asking for anyone to solve my problems or anyone else's. I’m asking for partnership, compassion, and the simple acknowledgment that no one is in this fight alone. Because fighting every battle alone doesn’t make you strong—it makes you weary.
We all deserve a break, a hand to hold, or someone to stand with us in the trenches. Life is hard enough without feeling like you’re doing it all on your own.
Be the Support, Not the Spectator
If you care about someone, don’t make them fight for every crumb. Don’t tell yourself they’ll be better off for it. Step in. Help lighten the load. Because forcing someone to struggle doesn’t make them better—it just makes life harder than it needs to be.
To anyone who feels like I do—like you’re fighting lions in the Colosseum of life—know this: you’re not alone. I see you. And I hope someday, the people in your life will step off the sidelines and stand beside you, the way we all deserve.
And to those watching from the stands, ask yourself: Are you helping, or are you just watching? Because the world doesn’t need more spectators. It needs more people willing to fight alongside each other.
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